Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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