I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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