the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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