I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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