That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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