I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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