In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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