i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
