one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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