cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My feet surprised me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
