very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think my vagina is haunted
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize