Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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