He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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