you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
