Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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