At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
