Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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