While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
