If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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