I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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