ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
