Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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