How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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