hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
