Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
