Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
