please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
