ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
