watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
