DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
