It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
