I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
