...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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