apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
