Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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