i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
