You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
