It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
