dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
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Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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