The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
