I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
