butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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