So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
