i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
