Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
