you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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