I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
