She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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