Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
