Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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