ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
