if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
