Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
