I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
