You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
