He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
