just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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