Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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