I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
