They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
