So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
