did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
