woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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