Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
